Page 28

Thank heavens I am wearing gloves, she painstakingly considered, pulling her hand away all the same.

Mr. Collins cleared his throat. “Your excellent health is my primary concern. Saying that, I hope you will not be distressed should I partake in my own share of merriment. I rather fancy myself to be an excellent dancer.” The silly man went on to espouse Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself once remarked on his being light-footed.

Elizabeth tried not to smirk. “I would not dare suspend your pleasure, sir. Indeed, I insist you spend the entire evening dancing with every young woman in want of a partner.”

By the end of the evening, Elizabeth truly was feeling indisposed, suffering agony of the acutest kind. Mr. Darcy did not attend the ball. Elizabeth’s disappointment was complete when she heard Caroline Bingley opining to her sister, Mrs. Hurst, that the gentleman reportedly had been seen about town in frequent company with a Lady Alexandria Middleton.

Her voice pained, Caroline Bingley described the young woman as being a renowned beauty, tall and elegant—an accomplished young lady, indeed, and in possession of a fortune of fifty thousand pounds, which in Caroline’s mind, must surely account for Mr. Darcy’s preference for the other woman over herself. She concluded her speech by saying the entire Fitzwilliam family highly desired an alliance, especially the Right Honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh. What a stroke of luck indeed to be so highly favored.

Elizabeth could hardly wait to flee to the outside balcony and catch her breath. She placed her hand on her chest, willing herself to breathe. Upon inhaling, she felt a painful, aching sensation in her heart that took every fiber of her being not to pity herself.

Surely, a true gentleman like Mr. Darcy deserved to be happy—the thought of his being lonely was a lot for Elizabeth to bear, even if the idea of his being with another threatened to break her heart in two.

She had no one to blame but herself for the distress she was feeling. I have been the catalyst—the chief instigator of my own torment, with my stubbornness and my headstrong ways.

Elizabeth hugged herself to keep warm. She chewed her bottom lip as she pondered her situation, and her voice quavered when she softly spoke. “Till this moment, I never knew myself.”

Chapter 12

Elizabeth awoke that morning with the same thoughts that had accompanied her to sleep. Those stirring sentiments which made her toss and turn all night. She had known the pain of loss, of mourning a dearly departed loved one, but this pain in her heart was entirely unknown, for it was the pain of a broken heart.

If things were not bad enough, hours later found her alone in the parlor with Mr. Collins prancing about while she sat in her chair, hands crossed in her lap, wishing she was anywhere else in the world.

“Elizabeth, my dear,” he said, “I am inclined to agree with your mother on this matter. Now that we have Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s blessing to marry, there is no reason at all for us not to proceed post-haste.”

“Lady Catherine?”

“My former and most benevolent benefactor⁠—”

“I know who she is to you,” Elizabeth interrupted. “I had no idea her opinion was a contributing factor in the timing of our plans.”

His expression aghast, Collins said, “I hope your saying that is not a reflection of your lack of esteem for the most charitable person one might ever hope to meet, but rather an indication of your desire to hurry things along.”

Elizabeth was nowhere nearly so calm and collected as she presented herself. Her busy mind raced and yet could not keep pace with her rapid heartbeat.

“Mr. Collins,” she said, “Pray, pardon me. I believe I could use a breath of fresh air before we continue this line of discussion.” By now, her head was swimming.

“There is no need to make yourself uneasy,” she heard Collins say. “Have you and I not planned for our union all along? Have not your entire family? Your family shall always have this home—your mother, your younger sisters, as well as yourself. To say nothing of your dreams of securing Longbourn as a legacy to your late father’s memory. It is what you have always wanted.”

Elizabeth sat there in stunned silence.

“Very well,” Mr. Collins began, “I shall consider your silence as encouragement enough to set the wheels in motion, starting with the reading of the banns.”

Elizabeth bolted from her chair. “No!”

Mr. Collins smiled. “No doubt you are overwhelmed by what is about to unfold. Indeed, I find your modesty quite touching—indeed admirable—and everything that is pleasing to a member of the opposite sex. Although, it is not as though you have never been through all this before what with your marriage to the late Mr. Tilman.”

“Indeed, I have been through this before, which is why I cannot go through it again. I cannot marry you, Mr. Collins.”

“Why on earth have you changed your mind after all this time? Surely it can have nothing to do with me. My situation in life as the master of Longbourn is a circumstance highly in my favor.

“I must, therefore, conclude that the fault lies entirely with you. I must caution you to take it into further consideration that in spite of your manifold attractions, it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made to you. Your portion is unhappily so small that it will, in all likelihood, undo the effects of your loveliness and amiable qualifications. In all likelihood, if another offer of marriage does not materialize, you may live out your life as a sad and lonely spinster. I hope this is not the case, but I wish to reveal the grim truth to you early on so that you can prepare yourself.

“That is to say nothing of the situation of your family—your mother and your three younger sisters who are nothing without the comforts of Longbourn to shield them. I know you too well to suspect that you would ever choose a course that would cause them discomfort, nor will you shoulder your brother-in-law Bingley with the burden of providing for the lot of them.

“The humiliation of abject poverty is something you will never inflict on your family,” Mr. Collins continued. “I must therefore conclude that you are not serious in your rejection of me.

“Instead, I shall choose to attribute it to your wish of increasing my love by suspense, according to the usual practice of elegant females.”