Page 36
My eyes widened. “It’s worth a lot.”
Lazarus shrugged, making Vi scramble to rebalance. “I’m not certain how willing they will be to act. Their support might be more for show than true assistance.”
“I’ll take what we can get,” I answered. Blu yawned wide before settling into my lap. Looked like it was naptime.
“As will I.” Following her sister’s lead, Vi slid down Lazarus’s arm but instead of settling in his lap, she crawled across the chair, down onto the floor and over to the fireplace. Pulling herself up, Vi scrambled into the coals, turning in a circle twice before wrapping her tail around her body and settling in to sleep.
“Should I place Blu in with her?” I asked.
Lazarus contemplated the question for a beat before he shook his head and answered, “No. I suspect your lap is warm enough for her. Thalia said Blu will begin seeking out cooler areas soon.”
Knowing our little ladies wouldn’t keep sleeping cuddled on top of each other gave me pause. They seemed so close. I hated for them to lose that.
“Have you considered the wording you’ll use when contacting Jaakobah?”
Every muscle in my body tightened at the mention of Jaakobah’s name. It was more reflex than intentional reaction. “I have.” I’d been mentally compiling the missive since deciding on this path. “But I doubt I’ll need to contact him.”
“Impatience,” Lazarus stated, confirming that he understood.
“It’s been two days. I suspect Jaakobah will contact me by tomorrow, the day after at the latest.” I stroked a finger down Blu’s back. She fluttered her wings but settled quickly. “Jaakobah will expect me to ask for more time, and I’ll do just that. He won’t agree, of course, but that’s not the point.”
“If you agree too quickly, Jaakobah will suspect something.”
I nodded. “Exactly. Jaakobah might be an arrogant jackass with an overinflated self-image, but he’s also not a fool. This situation would be much easier if he was.” Blu rolled, and I placed my hand along her back, offering a guard rail so she wouldn’t fall off my lap. “I’ve defied Jaakobah for too long to give in easily, even with the threat of my siblings hanging over my head.”
Leaning forward, Lazarus placed his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped. “And in his eyes, you already abandoned them once.”
I couldn’t hide my flinch.
“I said in his eyes. That was not a censure, Keir. At the time, you made the best decision you could with the information and circumstances that were available. You have no more power to see the future than me. You did the best with what you had to work with, which, admittedly, wasn’t much.”
I inhaled a cleansing breath, pulling Lazarus’s unique campfire scent deep into my lungs. Blu’s crisp, clean aroma added an extra, soothing element. “That’s what I keep telling myself, but when I look at Eldon…what’s become of him, what happened to my mother, what my father has become and the potential hell awaiting Phina, I… It’s difficult to convince myself that my actions were justified, let alone right.”
Rising from his chair, Lazarus went to his knees, scooting close enough that he could cup my cheek. Lazarus’s skin felt leathery soft. Leaning into the touch, I allowed my eyes to slip closed. Tone soft, Lazarus said, “Do you think I do not have regrets concerning Vidia? I have lost count of the hours I’ve spent replaying our last few months together. Vidia had expressed concerns regarding Verona. Vidia and Verona were never friends, but Verona seemed to have an unusual interest in Vidia’s pregnancy. Looking back, the warning signs were there, but I did not see them as the threat they truly were. If I’d taken the situation more seriously, if I’d—”
“You couldn’t have known,” I interjected, hating the pain lacing Lazarus’s words.
“Perhaps not, but that doesn’t stop the desire to go back in time and change my actions, or, perhaps in this case, lack of action.” Cupping my chin and forcing eye contact, Lazarus’s blue eyes bored into my own. “Do you hold me responsible for what happened to my sister?”
Tension leaked from my body, leaving me little more than a boneless heap. “No. Of course not.”
“Do you believe I should live a life of martyrdom? That I should carry such a weighted burden for the rest of my life? That I should allow my perceived failure to consume my thoughts and life?”
“No.” The answer was so simple when thinking of Lazarus instead of myself.
“Then how can you expect me to desire this for you? To believe that you deserve anything less?” Lazarus’s claws slipped through my hair, gently grazing along my scalp. The weight of the last few days settled across my shoulders, tugging at my defenses and exposing my soft underbelly.
“Come to bed, Keir. You spend so much time caring for others. It is time you allowed someone to take care of you in return.”
A choked sob caught in my throat. Goddess above, how long had it been since I’d allowed myself to lean on anyone? The short answer was too long. The more complicated answer wasn’t something I currently had the energy to explore.
“What about Blu?” I asked, words barely above a whisper.
Scooping Blu out of my lap, Lazarus indicated his head toward a nearby pillow and blanket. “We’ll set her up on the hearth. That will still keep her warm but more to her current desired temperature. That way she can be closer to Vi.”
Robotically, I did as Lazarus suggested, making a cozy nest for Blu along the rocky hearth and out of the direct heat from the coals. Blu settled quickly and when I checked on Vi, I found her sprawled out on her back, clawed toes sticking up in the air and belly exposed.
“They’ll be out for the next few hours. Eldon too. It’s time for you to rest.” Lazarus’s lips ghosted across my temple, slipping lower before nuzzling against my neck. “Have I told you recently how good you smell?”
