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“I’ve been battling with my mental health for what seems like an eternity now. And I know it’s completely unfair to you that I never let you in on the feelings that have consumed me. I promise it’s not as easy as it sounds.

“I have good days and bad days. And lately, they have been really bad. So dark that I can’t seem to find my way out of this hole I’ve fallen into. The dreams creep up when I least expect them, and I have no control over the images that flash into my mind.

“For months now, I’ve been trying to figure out how to end it all in a way that will affect you the least. I know this sounds jumbled up, and I’m rambling, and none of it makes sense to you because you’re not a fly on the wall for the conversations I have with myself. But I wish I could tell you why I am the way that I am. I don’t even know that answer for myself.

“When I’m with you, surrounded by you and our families and best friends, life couldn’t feel better. But when all that goes away, when there are lulls, the lights are off, and I’m at home all alone without the will to get out of bed … my thoughts become so dark I don’t know how to process it all.

“Most days, it just feels easier to turn it all off … for good.

“You’re the light in my life, Hunter. But I can’t live my life asking you to burn brightly for me when I live in a constant state of darkness. It’s not fair for you to dim your own light just to give it to me.

“I wish I could give you a better reason as to why I feel the need to leave this earth, but there isn’t one. You deserve more out of this amazing life you’re building; you deserve to continue shining bright like the sun.

“I don’t know what will happen after this, but I imagine I’ll be in the sky, watching you live out your dreams even though I won’t be sitting with our friends and family tomorrow night. You’re going to go far, farther than you’ve already been.

“When the sun goes down at night, and the bright light from the day has faded, look up at the moon and think of me. Smile up at me and know I’m in a better place. I love you, Hunter.”

The tape cut off and the television screen filled with static. It was then that I realized I’d been biting down on my fist so hard that I drew blood.

I allowed the buzz from the video to continue playing in fear that if I turned it off, my cries would be too loud to bare. But mixed with the white noise was the sound of a newly familiar cry—Andi.

Fuck.

Finally turning my head, I popped the bubble that was once just me and Sarah. It was like being hit by a freight train when I was reminded that Andi had been sitting by my side, listening to the entire thing, watching my reactions just as I had watched hers the moment before all of this went down.

“Hunter, I—” she choked out a sob.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this right now.” I quickly stood, walking toward the front door.

How was I supposed to face the only other woman I’d allowed into my life since Sarah and have her talk this through with me? I couldn’t let her watch me process these new and raw emotions in real time. Andi had just confessed her love for me, and it felt like a goddamn betrayal to even allow that conversation to enter the room when all I could think about was how the only woman I’d ever loved left me.

Everything in me shut down. I was a shell of a human, and all my emotions had washed away.

Andi opened her mouth to speak, but with ice cold words, I cut her off, “I think you should go.”

“Hunter—”

“I need to process this on my own. Please, just go home.”

Her emerald eyes filled with tears, and as badly as I wanted to reach out and hold her, my legs were cemented in place, and my hands remained glued to my side. Without a single budge, I didn’t chase her, and in a blink of an eye, she was out the front door.

When the door clicked shut, it was the sudden jolt my body needed to finally activate and react.

My knees dropped to the ground, and a wail I’d been holding in for seventeen years escaped like a wolf howling at the moon. And in some way, that’s exactly what I was doing—crying at the moon for the very first time, begging Sarah to forgive me for not finding that video sooner.

I’m sorry I failed you, Sarah.

My hands slammed against the steering wheel the moment I locked myself inside of my car, hoping like hell it was soundproof. Letting out a cry that could be heard from here to the Las Vegas Strip, I finally gave myself permission to let it all out. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I fought a war inside my head. The one telling me I wasn’t good enough. That I would never be good enough.

I never should have agreed with my idiotic mind to open my heart as much as I did. To be as trusting as I had been. To believe that I could somehow be special enough to think I was the chosen one. That I was the one girl in this world that could compete with Hunter’s late wife.

Me? The second love of his life? Who was I fucking kidding?

I should have known when everything was going so seemingly perfect that something was bound to happen eventually. But never in my wildest dreams did I put my finger on this being the thing to come between us.

How dumb could I possibly be to think that I, some nobody from a small town, a washed-up dancer turned stripper, would be lucky enough to find a love as great as he’d experienced earlier in his life?

I’d fallen for him face-first, and what I feared happening the most had been completely blown out of the water. Moments before I told him I loved him, the doubt creeped in. The worst thing that could ever happen would be him not saying it back. But not only did he not say it back … Sarah appeared out of thin air on the television screen—completely out of our control—and my timing could not have been unluckier.