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“Any progress?” Since we don’t know if Sonatina is listening, he doesn’t clarify.

My fingers move faster; the composition comes together. Whether he’s asking about me being forgiven or taking down Sonatina, the answer is the same. “Not enough.”

“How long can you keep this up?” he asks.

“As long as I have to.” I focus on forming the right words to go with the melody. When they come, I try them out.

You were mine,

How could I be so fucking blind?

If I’d only known then what it would do to us

Now I’m doing time for you

My heart is on the line for you

And you can break it all you want

Take it and keep it in a jar

God knows it won’t get me very far

Without you

“Nice, bro.” Golden gets up to grab his guitar. He picks up the chords and tempo, layers and embellishes what I’m doing.

Kelsey, Bronx, and Kodiak stop flirting to listen. Bronx says something to the other two and straightens to his feet.

He rejoins us in the booth and takes a seat at his kit. A few minutes later he kicks in with the beat.

Golden nods and grins at him. Grins at me.

Kelsey climbs off Kodiak’s lap and he comes in and picks up his bass. Putting the strap over his shoulder, he chews the inside of his cheek as he adds his own flavor.

Watching us, she gets as immersed in the music as the rest of us. The toe of her motorcycle boot starts to tap along with Bronx’s drumming.

Her flaming red locks tumbled over her shoulders; she is so fucking beautiful.

It sucks me back in time to our first ever studio session. We were all so young, finding our way, and feeling immortal.

At the same time, I see what could have... should have been. Our tiny toddler in her momma’s arms instead of on a hotel nightstand. Kelsey humming the chords in her ear while she teaches our daughter how to clap along with the beat. Would she have looked like a mini version of Kelsey? Or would she have looked more like me?

Soft chestnut hair in a tiny ponytail on the top of her head, gray eyes? Or brown eyes, black hair and a dimple in each cheek? Maybe she would have had blue eyes like my brothers instead. Recessive genes and all that.

Either way, she would have wiggled to the music like my nieces and nephews. Her great big smile would show off the baby teeth that have come in so far. And Kelsey would be soft and happy. She’d look at me with warmth. Like she used to... like I hung the goddamn moon just for her.

Fuck. For a second I can’t fucking breathe that image is so real. We were not supposed to end up here... without her... without each other.

Maybe Kelsey is thinking about that too, because when our gazes meet, she shies away.

My voice falters, the words get caught in my throat. And I think maybe... I need therapy. To deal with the loss. And the way I treated Kelsey. And what Sonatina did to me. And what I might lose in the coming weeks. Doc might know someone who can help me too.

The door opens and Sonatina sweeps into the booth at the same time as Kelsey looks up for something in the room with her.

“Baby, you wrote another song! Let me hear it.” She drops down next to me, her back to the piano.

“It’s not finished.” And I’m not interested in her opinion. “I’m just messing around.”