Page 83

I’ve waited too long. Done too many things wrong. And not enough right. I should have told her I would go anywhere with her when she asked me to. I wish it was that easy.

Kodiak’s hand moves up her bare thigh to the white lace hem on her denim miniskirt.

I practice not compressing my jaw to the point of a migraine as I rest my guitar against an amp and drop down on the piano stool to watch them. I’ve been doing that a lot. Watching her laugh with Kodiak. Watching her flirt with Bronx. And with Golden. And go to bed with Kodiak.

And with Bronx.

And with Golden.

My jaw is so tight my head feels like it might explode. I pull out my Zippo. Flick the lid up. Flip it down.

Click.

Outside of the booth the man at the deck is still talking to Sonatina. They’re discussing something but I have no idea what. For a woman who always wants to be in my face on stage, it’s weird that she refuses to be in the booth with us. Except that she’s an utter fucking diva, which makes her demand to record her audio of ‘Chokehold’ separately not weird at all.

It’s not like I want her fucking voice on the track in the first place.

Kelsey and Kodiak start joking around. He tickles her. She laughs loudly and without a hint of reservation. The heaviness she’s carrying around because of Marco... because of me... is lighter with him.

Click.

She straddles him and presses a kiss to his cheek. He cups the side of her face and steals one from her pretty burgundy stained mouth. When he pulls away, her lips are glossy and swollen. There’s a hint of that burgundy on his lips.

Click.

His gaze follows her mouth as she speaks. He’s taken with her too.

As consumed with her as I am.

Click.

Lennon is lurking around the studio. She sticks to the shadows. Practically hides behind the potted tree in the corner. If I could get her to help us...

But she’s been quieter and more awkward than usual since we played that game of spin the bottle. At the hotel she hides in her room unless Sonatina wants her. She barely talks. Any progress Kelsey made with her seems to have vanished as she’s gone backward. It probably doesn’t matter. There’s a good chance she never would have talked to us.

She’s completely traumatized by Sonatina. Girl probably has Stockholm Syndrome to stay as she does.

Sonatina says something friendly to the man at the deck. Her expression grows pinched as she turns to her assistant. She marches across the room and seizes Lennon’s arm.

Lennon bows her head like a disobedient child while Sonatina berates her. For what, I can’t tell from this side of the glass.

Bronx walks through my field of vision. He joins Kelsey and Kodiak on the couch. He holds out his hand to her, and she slips hers into his with a soft smile.

The click, click from the lid of my Zippo quickens. It hammers like my pulse. While my stomach churns. If I hadn’t been such a fucking idiot...

Bronx draws her toward him while Kodiak keeps her planted on his lap, he whispers something in her ear that makes her blush. Her tongue peeks between her lips.

I want to get up and march out there. I want to take her from them and remind all three of them that I’m not giving her up. That she was my best friend... my first love... my everything. And she still is.

The tension inside me is ready to snap like an over tuned guitar string. Call it jealousy. Call it penance. I can’t look away as he rests his head on the back of the couch and teases her into rising up and kissing him.

I don’t do what I want to do. I can’t. Protect her. Keep her safe. That’s what I can do. What I will do.

I put my Zippo on top of the piano then let my fingers wander the keys, slowly coaxing a melody, while she flirts and makes out with the both of them.

Golden sits down next to me on the piano bench. He watches them too.

I’m surprised he’s not out there with them.