Monsters Weep Too, Little Bluebird
Page 110
I cupped her jaw, thumb stroking the bruise on her cheek. Black and purple, the shape of a handprint already rising up under the skin. Brandon’s hand. I wished I could bring him back just so I could kill him again.
But I had her now. No more threats, no more shadows. Just her, here, with me. Forever.
She looked up at me, eyes sunken and red. “Are you okay?” she whispered. “Please, talk to me. Just you and me. Don’t let the dark win.”
I squeezed her tighter. I could break her in half. It’d be easy. The bones were just sticks; she was all blood and silk. The thought made my cock harder inside of her, even though she was leaking blood all over my thighs. “I’m here,” I managed. “I got you. I’ll always have you.”
Her arms came around my neck. She hugged me so soft, so fragile, like somebody putting flowers on a grave. “Can we just stay like this? No more running. No more hurting.” She pressed her cheek to mine.
I melted. I shuddered. I tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway. The pain inside was so much bigger than my body. I didn’t know how to let it go. I didn’t know how to just be happy. Even with her on top of me, even with her cunt clenched around my cock, there was nothing but noise in my head. Her. Her. Her.
I rocked her, just a little, just enough to make her breath hitch. “You’re my everything.” I could hear myself. I sounded pathetic. “You know that, right?”
She nodded, mouth against my ear. “I know. And I’ll stay with you. I just want you to get help.” She choked, like she was going to cry again, but the words came out sharp. “You’re not okay, Malakar. If you go see someone, if you get help, maybe we can be okay. Maybe we can…be together. No more pain. No more running.”
I stopped moving. A new kind of cold flooded my veins.
Help? I didn’t need help. I needed her. I needed her to want this. I needed her to want every second with me.
I pulled her head back, stared down at her. “Why are you talking like that?”
She flinched under my stare. “I just—I just want you to get better, Malakar. I love you. I want you to be safe, and me to be safe, and for us to matter to each other. But you’re not okay. You need medicine, or a doctor, or something.” Her voice broke on the words. “We could have a life if you just got better. We could be normal.”
Normal. Normal. What the fuck is normal?
I made a fist in her hair. Yanked her head back until her eyes rolled up, staring at me with horror. The panic was real now.
“You don’t love me,” I said, and my voice broke in half. “If you loved me you wouldn’t want me to be normal. You wouldn’t try to take this away. You’d want to stay with me. Every. Single. Fucking. Minute.”
She tried to squirm away, but I wouldn’t let her. I clamped my hand onto her hip and grinded her down, making her shriek. I liked the pain in her voice. I wanted to see her shatter again. “Don’t lie to me. Don’t you ever fucking lie to me. You’re my bluebird. You’re supposed to stay in the cage, Starla. That’s what bluebirds do.”
She gasped, “Malakar, please, I’m not lying! I’ll do anything, I’ll stay, I swear, I just want you to get better, please, don’t make it worse, please, please, don’t ruin this, I want you, I want to be with you, just get help, I’ll be so good, I’ll let you fuck me every day, just don’t kill anyone else, don’t kill me, please, I’m begging you, Malakar, please.”
Her voice bounced through my brain. It echoed. There was nothing left in my head but her voice, shrieking, echoing off the bones.
If I got help, I’d lose her. If I lost her, I’d burn the whole fucking world down.
“You don’t get to leave. You don’t get to run from me. If you try I’ll break your wings. I’ll cut them off myself.”
She shook her head. “That’s not what I want, I swear, I just want us to be safe, please, please, you’re scaring me, Malakar, please.”
I pressed my hand to her mouth. “If I have to sew you shut and lock you in a fucking coffin, I will. You’re mine. You’re not allowed to leave. Ever.”
She was crying again. Tears smeared down her face, made dark lines on the gown. I could feel her heart beating under my chest, wild, terrified.
I let her go, slumped back into the seat, fucked-up breathing loud in the car. For a second I wanted to claw my own face off. I wanted to rip out my eyeballs so I didn’t have to see the horror in her face.
She wrapped her arms around my neck. Her whole body shook. “Please, Malakar, just let me love you. Please let me love you.” Her lips pressed to my cheek, to my jaw. “I’ll do anything. Anything.”
Liar. Liar liar liar liar liar. All women lie. Every single one. My mother lied, her mother lied, Starla, bluebird, little traitor. Don’t trust it. Don’t fucking trust it.
I shuddered. Squeezed her tight enough to rattle her bones. I could break her. Why not? Monsters always break what they love.
She went loose in my arms. Limp. She didn’t even fight, didn’t even gasp.
I reached up. Tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked so small. So terrified. If she just stopped running, maybe I wouldn’t have to hurt her. If she just stayed in the car. Just stayed. Just listened.
Fucking liar. She’d run first chance she got. I could feel her heart beating out of her chest, scrabbling for the nearest exit.