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Monsters Weep Too, Little Bluebird

Page 111

by Donna Kessler

I ran a hand over her ribs. Listened to her little whimpers.

“You know what happens if you try to run again, bluebird?” I growled.

She made a pathetic, soft sound. “You break them. You always break them. Isn’t that what you want?” She looked at me. “All that talk about forever? Just another way to say destroy me. I hope you’re happy, Malakar. I hope you’re happy when there’s nothing left.”

She meant it. She fucking meant it.

I grinned, but it was horrible, my face a split in the dark. “I’m never gonna let you go. Not ever.”

She nodded, eyes dead. “Yeah. I know.”

For a second, the world was still. Wind battered the car. Lights flickered. My whole body shook with how much I wanted to just hold her, cradle her, stuff her back inside my skin like maybe that would be safe. Maybe that would matter.

Then she kneed me in the balls.

It didn’t hurt, not really, but it made me flinch. She shoved off the seat, unlocked the door, and tumbled out onto the gravel.

I screamed.

She was running. She ran like a thing that knew it was already dead. Bare feet on sharp stone, knees buckling, nightgown flapping around her battered thighs. She didn’t look back.

I jumped out and ran after her.

The woods ahead were dark and foggy. I chased her like a predator chasing prey. Up ahead through the trees, the shimmer of something blue-black at the end—a lake.

I could see her silhouette, lurching, wild, desperate.

Run, bluebird. Run, run, run. I’ll always catch you.

She hit the lake’s edge. She almost went in, but the mud caught at her heels. She turned just enough for the moon to catch her face, spit-shining the shock and terror in her eyes.

I tackled her. Both bodies slammed down into the mud, bones smacked together.

She screamed, the real one, the one that meant I’d gotten all the way inside her worst nightmares. It vibrated in my skull.

I pinned her arms. She was sobbing, face mashed to the mud. “Let me go, let me go, Malakar, fuck, just let me go, I want to be free, I want to die, please, please, please, please don’t make it hurt anymore.”

I didn’t want to hear those words. “Shut up,” I snarled, slammed her head down hard. “You don’t get to fucking leave. You don’t get to lie to me, deceive me. You’re supposed to love me!”

Her jaw trembled. She turned her head. “You want to be the only thing in my head, don’t you? You want my whole world to be you, just you, forever, until you snap it off. Monsters aren’t real. But you are. You’re the only thing that’s ever been real.”

I knelt down to her level, got real close. “And you like it, don’t you? You like being chased. Hunted. Destroyed.”

She sobbed. “I just wanted you to love me. I just wanted you to not be like everyone else in my life!”

My whole face was wet. I didn’t know if it was blood or water or tears. “I do love you, Starla. Nobody else could ever love you like me. I’ll carve it into your skin if I have to, I’ll break you open and show you.” My face twisted with rage. “I just wanted you to love me too. I wanted you to be different from my mother, my father, all those other girls. But all good things end, bluebird. And nothing good ever stays. Only the void is left.”

The wind raked at us. Rain started, heavy, pounding at my back.

I dragged her down into the water. She fought and clawed at me. She dug her heels into the dirt, but I yanked and yanked. I shoved her down. She looked up at me. She was crying hysterically.

“Don’t do this, Malakar! Just let me love you, don’t fall into the dark. Please!” She was just a ghost now. Nothing felt real. Everything went dark. “I did love you,” she sobbed. “That’s the worst part. I loved you, but it still isn’t enough for you. Please, just come back to me, Malakar. Or Milo, if you’re in there.”

Milo isn’t here anymore, he’s gone for good. Gone into the void.

I saw my mother standing in the shadows. She stood there and looked sad, so sad. I heard her voice in my head. Don’t do this, Milo. Don’t be a monster like your father.

My eye twitched. I am a monster. I always will be. I was a fool to think my bluebird could save me. The dark always wins.