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“It doesn’t matter,” I shot back.

John’s arms clutched me tighter, and his reply was tight and clipped.

“It does fucking matter, and don’t you dare even think about it.”

The door to the room burst open, and Ayanna strode in, Kimmy on her heels. I squirmed, managing to get a hand around the long needle. I braced myself before yanking it out. My stomach roiled with queasiness at the sensation, but there was still no pain, thankfully.

“Claire,” John barked at me when I stood. “Don’t—”

“How bad is it?” I demanded, looking at Ayanna.

She was frowning, but when she lifted her gaze to mine, there was real fear in her eyes. Fear that everything she’d worked so hard for, that everyone she’d promised a better tomorrow, was going to go up in smoke.

“It’s bad,” she said, her voice cracking under the strain. “We’d probably be able to hold off a regular attack…but not when they have rockets.”

“Then we evacuate through the tunnel,” John cut in fiercely, getting to his feet.

Ayanna shook her head. “We can try, but there isn’t enough time. And if they’re now willing to destroy the warehouse district—destroying all their own supplies in the process—then I wouldn’t be so sure they won’t bomb the tunnel as well.”

She rubbed her eyes. “They’ve never done anything like this before. They always wanted to take it back from us, and they only ever wanted to kill the White Rose leaders—me and a few others. They intended to take everyone else back, because a third of the military is not easily replaced when you don’t allow Wastelanders.”

She paused briefly, and as dread rose inside me like bile, Kimmy said, “So, this is scorched earth for them, then.”

Ayanna nodded. “We underestimated how far they’d go to get you back, I’m afraid.”

“Then we call their fucking bluff,” John snapped, and I could tell he was getting more agitated by the second. “They could be lying just to get us to give them Claire without a fight. Make them make us.”

I bit my lip. I knew how far Julius would go. He’d locked me in a white concrete box for a week simply because I said no to him. I’d looked him in the eye and seen nothing there. He had no feelings, no regrets, no humanity.

Unfortunately, I had no doubt he’d follow through on his threat. And that left me with a horrible choice to make. The people I loved most in the world were here, and they would die if this attack went ahead. What good would it be if Julius killed everyone and recaptured me anyway? What good would it be if we all ended up dead?

“I won’t force you to do anything,” Ayanna said, pained, “but…”

But if you don’t do this, you’re condemning all of us to death. She didn’t say it, but she didn’t have to. The choice was clear.

John obviously saw when the decision passed over my features, because he burst out, “Claire, no. You are not going back. Not a fucking chance. We’ll find some other way.”

I turned to him, feeling heavy with sorrow. “What other way is there?”

His amber eyes were wide, and there was a terror behind them that I’d only glimpsed a few times before.

“We’ll find one,” he insisted, and I gave him a sad smile as I took his hand and lifted it to my cheek, shutting my eyes at the warmth of his touch. The rest of the world and all the people in it melted away around us, and I sensed no one but him.

“In the next twenty minutes?” I asked gently. “I don’t think that’s possible.”

“I’ll make it possible,” he snarled, but his voice broke on the last word, and when he spoke again, there was only desperation left. “Please, baby. I…I just got you back. You can’t leave me again.”

“I know,” I murmured, determined to be strong for his sake. “I’m so sorry. If there truly was another way, I’d do it. But you’re too important to me to lose, and the people here don’t deserve to die because of me. I have to do the right thing.”

“How can the right thing be the thing that takes you away from me?” John whispered, and he looked so broken that I closed my arms around him, pulling him against me. “I’m meant to be where you are. It’s the only thing I know for sure.”

“Ah, my darling,” I sighed, squeezing him. “I’m not going back so that I can stay forever. I’m going back because I need to protect you. I’m going to knock down the house of cards that holds this place up. And when that happens, we’ll be together again. I promise you.”

As I said the words, I knew they were true. No more waiting to be rescued. No more going along to get along. The rage I felt, deep in my gut, would be my guide. I would stop at nothing to bring Julius and his regime to its knees. I was starting to understand that it was the only way I could ever be safe again.

John exhaled heavily, and then he was holding me, too.

“I can’t, Claire,” he said hoarsely against my hair. “I nearly broke the last time I lost you. I don’t know how to do it a second time.”