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“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who brought you here thinking we could just start over.”
“I do have something to be sorry for. I don’t know why I started blaming you. You were always so good to me. I’m the bad guy here, not you,” I concede.
“You’re not the bad guy. We just—we both have our hands dirty,” he defends softly, his eyes gentle again. “We clearly had our miscommunications in the past. It’s just strange—seeing each other again. Is it not?”
“Yeah…it is. A good strange.” I let my tight expression unfold, allowing a smile.
“I was angry and sad for a really long time. Years, if I’m being completely honest. I know you didn’t want to hurt me.”
“I should have just told you the truth. That I couldn’t deal with the distance. I was selfish.” My face falls as the truth flows out of my mouth. It’s a relief being able to finally apologize.
“I forgive you, Billie. I did a long time ago. You always told me that you didn’t want to wait for me to come back. I pushed you. I know I did. Seeing you just brought everything back.” He looks at me from under his lashes. “Can we just move forward?”
He’s like a puppy dog.
“I would like that, a lot.”
I sit quietly for a few minutes, staring into the fire, and we let the argument dissipate in the air.
“How are you doing with everything else?” he asks, breaking our silence. “I mean, moving your life can’t be easy.”
Most of the time, I just tell people I’m okay and don’t go any further. I feel a tinge of guilt when I tell people I want to move on. It feels wrong to move on when you were married to someone. I mean, he was my entire life and now he’s nothing. It’s not a regular break up.
“Honestly? I’m trying to move past it. Some moments can be really hard. The drive here was hard because I was leaving my life with Graham behind, but it was something I had to do. I felt relief when I got into town. If I’m being completely transparent, I felt better as soon as I saw you.”
Sean’s chest rises softly, sighing with ease as he gives me a soft nod.
◆◆◆
Sean walks out of his room, rubbing his eyes. I’ve been up for an hour already, sitting at the kitchen island, hovering over my coffee.
“Good morning.”
My heart flutters. “Morning,” I reply.
“How’d you sleep?”
I barely slept a wink last night. All I could think about was how he was in the room right across from mine.
“Great,” I lie.
“I was thinking we could go for a walk down by the river this morning.”
I look out the window at the morning fog grazing the soft flowing river.
The last time things were good between us was at the water.
7
August, Ten Years Earlier
With only two weeks left of summer, it’s hard to believe it’s all coming to an end. It went by all too quickly. Summer usually does that, but this particular one has seemed to fly by as fast as a shooting star—so quickly that I almost think I dreamt it.
I don’t know if you ever expect to fall as hard as you do, but man, I’ve become obsessed with someone that I can’t have.
When we aren’t together, you’ll find us texting on loop or FaceTiming into the early morning. Sleep means nothing when you’re young.
It’s officially our last day together. The day I've been dreading for months, like when you’re with your favorite cousins and you try to hide from your parents because you don’t want to leave. Times that by ten and it’s the sinking feeling that I have in my stomach.
