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“I understand your dismay. And I thank you for the opportunity to explain myself to you. From now on, as you are well aware of my feelings and my wishes, all that matters are yours, Miss Bennet. If your opinion of me and my unpleasant manners is so low as to prevent your acceptance, then I shall respect your refusal without further insistence and without resentment,” he assured her.
The sensation stirring inside her was impossible to explain and difficult to bear.
“As I said clearly enough, my opinion of you is not low at all, Mr Darcy. Quite the opposite. The more we talk, the more I come to know you, then the more I enjoy your company. I know you are an educated man, an affectionate brother, a loyal friend, and the best master and landlord, as everybody proclaims,” she concluded with a twist of her lips.
He smiled again, and she continued, “I also know you are a man of consequence, that your situation in life is far above mine, and I should be grateful for your proposal. However, while I shall not pretend I do not care about a secure future, to me the most important part of a marriage is a profound understanding, a mutual affection, and respect between the parties. I would never accept a proposal without being certain I shall acquire as much.”
“And do you doubt that?”
“I need a little time to be certain…”
“Of course. So, just to be clear…have you reconsidered your rejection in your letter?”
“I have,” she whispered, touched by his apparent delight. “But I cannot provide an acceptance yet… I need at least a few hours to think upon it.”
“As you wish.”
“May I ask…have you considered your family’s response?”
“Of course. In fact, last night, after a few drinks, I discussed it with my cousin and his wife. To be honest, she was the one who expressed her concern that you may reject it. I was not aware you disliked me so much until she mentioned it. I was so arrogant as to dismiss such a possibility.”
“Oh…and they approved? Of your proposal?”
“They did not object to it, but I know the rest of my family will. Not the viscount’s brother, Colonel Fitzwilliam — he has always supported me. But, but to be completely open with you, all the others will — his parents and especially my aunt Lady Catherine.”
“I assumed as much. And your sister? Her opinion must be very important to you.”
He smiled with even more warmth. “I expect nothing but support from Georgiana. I am sure she will heartily approve of you, after she comes to know you… I mean…if you accept…”
“It feels so strange that we are discussing this,” she said. “I must consider it properly… I shall return home now.”
“Of course.”
“Of my family, only my father knows about your letter.”
“I believed that would be the case. That is why I did not come to Longbourn to talk to you yesterday. I shall wait for news from you, whenever you are ready to provide it.”
“Mr Darcy, I…so you are absolutely certain you wish for this marriage?” she enquired.
“I am more certain of this than of many things in my life. But as I said, the decision is yours and should be based on your feelings only.”
“Thank you. You will have news from me soon,” she said, then turned and walked away, dizzy and confused. Suddenly, she stopped, turned, and called out to him.
“Mr Darcy?”
“Yes?”
“You mentioned you confessed something to Miss Bingley. May I ask what it was?”
“Ah, yes…that evening at Lucas Lodge…after you refused to dance with me, I was pensive, and Miss Bingley asked what I was thinking, assuming I was displeased with the company. So, I told her I was admiring your fine eyes.”
His answer left Elizabeth speechless, and he seemed amused by her amazement.
There was nothing she could say in reply, so she simply nodded and resumed her walk home. His final confession involving Caroline Bingley was unexpected, even silly, but it held much weight in Elizabeth’s musings. It could not be a lie, and if it was true, it was further proof to support his case: apparently, Mr Darcy had truly admired her before the incident.
The revelation tore down all her previous beliefs and made her doubt her judgment entirely. What was she to do now? The reasons for her anger and her hasty rejection after she had read his letter were not sound any longer. He had repeatedly said that her response should only depend on her own feelings and wishes. If only she knew what they were!
She certainly did not love him. But could she, one day? Was it worth trying to find out? A man such as Mr Darcy was surely a rarity. It would be impossible to meet another man of his station who might admire a woman with a situation below his own, no dowry, and far from perfect beauty or manners. Yet he had insisted he wanted her. Did she want him?
