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“She likes being read to.”

“Coffee first?”

I could have taken her home. “Please.”

He made it the way I liked it, then sat on the floor with Sparrow propped against his chest. I took my coffee to the chair by the window. The laptop was shut on the kitchen table.

The first book had a bear looking for his hat. Seb gave the bear a deep, grumpy voice and the rabbit a squeak that made me laugh. Sparrow watched his face rather than the pictures. Every time he turned a page, she babbled at him.

“All right, Daddy’s little bug,” he said. “Your turn.”

He waited while she talked, then answered her in the bear’s voice. She waved both arms and told him more. I took another sip of coffee and listened.

When Sparrow rubbed her eyes, Seb closed the book. He checked the catch on the travel crib while I laid her down. She fussed for a minute, then tucked a fist against her mouth and slept.

“Austen didn’t get to hold her,” I said.

“She’d like to.”

“I know.” I looked at our daughter asleep in the crib. “I think I’d like that too.”

Seb took his mug to the kitchen and came back with his laptop. I opened a book on my phone, but kept seeing Austen’s face instead of the words. Once, we looked up at the same time and both went straight back to our screens. By the time Sparrow woke, I was still on the same page.

Seb spread her blanket on the floor and lay beside her. She took one of his fingers in each fist and tried to pull them both into her mouth.

“She’s eating you,” I said.

“I noticed.” He didn’t take his hands away.

I watched them until Sparrow began to fuss for a feed. I settled into the chair by the window while Seb folded the blanket and put it in her bag. When Sparrow finished feeding, he walked us to the door. “Austen asked if she could have your number. I told her I’d ask you.”

I looked back toward the kitchen. I was going to owe her a conversation I didn’t know how to begin.

“Give it to her.”

Sparrow fell asleep before we reached the end of the road. At home, I left her in the car seat for a moment while I gathered the bag and stood beside the open door looking at her. I’d spent a year keeping these women away from her. Today she’d smiled at their faces on a screen, and they’d loved her on sight.

At the cottage, I’d seen my boxes, the women he called every Sunday and Seb on the floor with our daughter. I wanted more afternoons like that. I loved him; I hadn’t stopped. But when I pictured letting him back into my life, I still saw him in the clubhouse telling me to get out.

After Sparrow was down for the night, my phone lit up with Austen’s name.

I’m not angry with you, Wren. I missed you like hell. Sparrow is ridiculously cute, and I want to meet her properly when you’re ready.—Austen

I read it twice. Moff had saved every message from my old account. I’d never asked to see them, though Robin had told me Austen had written more than anyone else. She’d never known if one of them had reached me.

I kept thinking about the year we should have had. If that video had never arrived, I’d have handed Seb the little white onesie and watched his face when he understood. He’d have been beside me through the pregnancy. Lilac, Indira, Bea and Austen would have been pregnant with me in Millfield, our babies arriving within weeks of one another. Austen would have known Sparrow from her first day. I wanted to tell her how much I’d missed her and apologize for shutting her out.

I sent her a reply. Come and see her.

The typing dots appeared almost at once. Austen sent back, Try keeping me away.

With Sparrow asleep in the travel crib beside my bed, I sent Seb the message I’d been trying to write since we’d left his cottage.

IDKWTDWTBIWYTKILWYWST.

I don’t know what to do with this but I want you to know I loved watching you with Sparrow today.

He didn’t reply straight away. I lay there wondering if I’d said too much.