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“Oi, be careful or I shall send your man a video of you singing.”
I lift my hands in surrender. “Fine, fine.”
“Speaking of …” She gives me a worried look. “Have you spoken to him about when he’s coming to visit?”
I shake my head. “No, and I don’t want to ask. Not yet at least. He probably needs some time to get settled in. He was gone for a full summer.”
“I guess.” She manages to wave down a bartender. “Hi, can we get two vodka cranberries?”
The bartender nods and turns away.
“You didn’t even ask me what I wanted?”
“Figured I’d pick for you like your boyfriend does. That seems to be the only way to get you to try something new.”
“I hate to break it to you, but I’ve had multiple vodka cranberries before.”
“Let me. I want to be the man for once.”
“You’re the man, don’t worry.” I pat her on the shoulder.
“Thank you. Mine is ten inches in case you were wondering.” She winks, and I burst out laughing.
“You’d thrust me straight into the ER with that.”
“You can take it, sweetheart,” she says with a sleazy voice before turning serious again. “But for real, how are you doing with him being gone and all? Unless you don’t want to talk about it.”
“No, it’s fine.” I look around the busy bar before I answer. “I’m sad, obviously. I know he meant what he said and that he doesn’t want to leave me. I just … I don’t know how this is going to work long term. And now that I’m starting the new job, I’ll probably be too busy to go visit him any time soon.”
“He’s so obsessed with you, I’m sure he’ll come visit soon.”
“Yeah, maybe.” A lump forms in my throat, and I avert my gaze, inspecting my nails with feigned interest.
“Robin. Why do I get the feeling you don’t want him to?”
“I want him to …” I bite my lip and finally look her in the eye. “I just don’t know if I can handle him only being there for bits and pieces of my life. And vice versa. He said we’d figure this out, but there isn’t anything to figure out, is there? I live here, he lives elsewhere, and neither one of us wants to move. I don’t want a long-distance relationship.”
Kora nods, accepting the drinks from the bartender, and pushes the vodka cranberry toward me. “Drink. You need it.” She takes a big sip herself. “So … does that mean you want to end it?”
The thought of ending it sends a surge of anxiety through my body. I try to keep my emotions in check and focus on the sounds and smells of the bar around me. I count to five in my head.
“I don’t want to. But I don’t think I can do this forever, either. And it’s probably going to hurt more later on.”
“And there’s no way he can move closer?”
I shake my head and sip on my drink. “He has a whole life in New Mexico. I wouldn’t ask him to give that up.”
“Have you talked to him about how you feel?”
“No. I’ve been avoiding it. I haven’t really talked to him about anything serious. We’ve just been sending each other silly texts and avoiding the reality.”
Kora flags the waiter down and points at my almost empty glass, and he nods. “So, what’s the reality? That you have to break up?”
It pains me to nod. My body feels stiff, as if it’s trying to reject the idea of a breakup.
“I think you should tell him how you feel. I know you said there’s no solution, but he’d want to know if you’re contemplating ending the relationship.”
“I know.” I give the bartender a small nod when he places another drink in front of me. “I’m just so scared. I don’t want to separate, but I don’t want this long-distance shit either. But …”
