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My gaze lands on a couple kissing across the room, and I feel something crumble inside of me. Sadness tears at my chest, and I just want to go home to Mortimer.

Kora invades my space and pulls me into a tight hug, and I briefly close my eyes. A shuddering breath escapes my lips before I pull myself together.

“Thanks.” We break apart and I give her a small smile. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. I can spiral some other time.”

“Anything you want. You know I’m always here for you.”

I nod and clap my hands together. “Let’s go pick out a karaoke song and have fun.”

She slings an arm around my shoulder and smiles. “Fuck yeah. Do you think they’ll let me sing an encore?”

Chapter 37

Hayden

My vision blurs, and I shut my eyes and rub my temples.

Today has been incredibly long and frustrating, and I got hit with a terrible headache about an hour ago. That’s what happens when you spend ten hours staring at a screen.

I came home about an hour ago and was surprised by a late work email.

Slowly, I open my eyes again and stare at the words on the screen in front of me. For most people this would be a dream, a reason to go out and celebrate. But all I feel is numbness and an unsettling feeling of grief.

Why am I so upset?

I stare at the email from my boss until the letters seem to magically dance in front of me, then I turn off my computer and fall into my bed.

A five-year contract. A promotion I don’t deserve. In-person only with no remote work options. Did I mention FIVE fucking years?

My first instinct is to call or text Robin, but this is news that would just make her sad. She’d play it off, pretending to be happy for me, but I’ve felt her withdraw these past few days. There have been longer periods of time between texts, only half-answered questions, and an underlying sadness in her tone anytime I call.

It’s all my fault.

I’m the reason she’s sad.

The reality is that even if she never came into my life, this new contract wouldn’t excite me. All I wanted was to invest into my friend’s company, and now my shares are worth an insane amount of money and I’ve been asked to take on an even bigger role. My stupid tendency to put everyone else first got me more entangled in this start-up than I ever wanted to be.

On top of that, my sister is back in school, and I promised Sarah I’d help out with pickups on Thursdays and Fridays. Mira has been so excited that I’m back, and I missed her a lot.

But nothing compares to how much I miss Robin. I’ve been so virtually clingy these past few days. For every message she didn’t send, I sent about ten instead. Now that I’m so far away, I can’t even confront her about why she’s been so withdrawn. There’s no scenario where I’m not letting someone down.

“I hate this,” I groan into the empty bedroom.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and text Robin.

Me: I miss you.

My bed creaks as I reluctantly get up to make dinner for myself. Two hours later, I notice that it says “read” underneath my message, but there’s no reply.

The city flashes past me in streaks of color, only my headlights and a few apartment lights shining in the otherwise dark evening. The knot in my stomach slowly eases as I feel the wind kiss my skin.

It’s past midnight, and I’ve been riding around for almost an hour. I’ve passed all the places I’ve been to a million times, but tonight I feel like a stranger in this city that I’ve lived in for a decade. Familiar places that I previously loved now send a surge of sadness through me. None of it makes me happy anymore.

I stop in front of a small bar I’ve been to a handful of times and find a seat in the corner. I allow myself another glance at my phone. I sigh loudly in frustration and drop it on the table upside down. I put my head in my hands and take a couple of deep breaths before flipping my phone over again and shooting a text to my friend.

Me: Hey, you up?

Mike: You’re a bit too far away for a booty call.