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I especially hate when I’m reminded of my boyfriend’s absence the second I wake up. I got so used to waking up with Hayden next to me that every morning, for the tiniest second before my brain catches up, I expect him to be here.

Our phone call a few days ago haunts me every waking hour. My reaction to his proposed visit was less than enthusiastic, and I felt incredibly guilty the next day. I haven’t had the guts to make a choice about the status of our relationship. My heart and brain are telling me two different things.

Mortimer meows loudly and rubs his face against my arm.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re hungry and you need to eat right this second before you die of starvation. I’m getting up.”

Today is a big day for me, because I’m meeting Megan to talk about my new position. Although I know I already have the job, I’m still nervous. It hasn’t felt real up until now, but this meeting is about to change that.

I get ready quickly but come to a halt when I look in my closet. What does one wear to a casual meeting? It’s not a job interview or a formal meeting. Megan said it was to get to know each other and to answer any questions I might have.

My closet is divided into two parts. One side holds my regular clothes––graphic tees, crop tops, jeans, sweats, summer dresses, and a few fancier pieces. The other, much smaller side contains the dreadful clothes I’ve been stuck wearing to work the past two years. They’re the only professional-looking clothes I own, but they are ugly and so not me.

Ugh, am I going to have to wear clothes I hate to this new job?

I settle on a basic pair of jeans and a nice top. I might as well show her who I really am, and I guess I can ask her today what the dress code is.

I check my reflection in the mirror, and when I’m satisfied, I make myself breakfast. Thanks to Hayden, I have food at home.

And yup, now I’m sad again.

I haven’t checked my phone yet, but I know there’ll be messages from him. I wake up every day to text messages. The more I distance myself, the more he keeps reaching out.

With a piece of toast in my mouth, I unplug my phone from the charger next to my nightstand.

Hayden: How do you look so good when you wake up?

I smile weakly. It almost hurts when he’s being sweet.

Me: you don’t know what I look like.

Hayden: I do. I’ve been checking the cameras I installed in your house

Me: cute. nobody has ever liked me enough before to stalk me.

Hayden: Get used to it! Are you excited about the meeting?

Me: I’m kind of nervous.

Hayden: It’s okay to be nervous. But you know they already love you. You got this. Text me when you’re done?

Me: I will.

An hour later, I’m settled into a comfy velvet chair next to Megan.

She’s hilarious. I don’t even know why I was nervous. I mean, I know why, but within five minutes, she’s made me feel at ease.

“I can’t believe you used to work at a funeral home.”

“Yes, people are always surprised. I guess I don’t look like the type.” I shrug.

“You don’t,” she says, laughing. “Then again, I’m not sure there’s a universal look for a funeral home employee. My brain keeps jumping to the Addams family for some reason.”

“To be honest, I’m not sure how I landed there. Don’t get me wrong, I did enjoy it, but it’s not what I want for the future.”

She nods. “Sometimes we have to go down different roads to find the one that leads us to where we belong.”

“Very wise,” I chime in, giving her a smile.