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All five of them were unreasonably attractive, but wearing their stage outfits, and accentuating make up?

Good grief.

Their outfits were different, but all variations on the theme. Black, well-cut suits with different accents. A sexy harness adorned Minjae, whereas Woojin leaned into a more loose-fitting, artist vibe. Jihoon had a more militaristic look with black cargo trousers tucked into combat boots.

They had all kept their hair naturally black, and Jihoon had opted to keep his long. It was slightly wavy and it brushed the collar of his suit jacket in a way that made me remember how it felt to run my hands through it. Just then, his eyes snapped up and collided with mine. I jerked slightly, putting my hand down to steady myself. His lips twitched before he looked away, nodding at something Jin had said.

The five of them didn’t linger. Once they’d all gathered, they made their way down the corridor to where I sat on the boxes.

Ace caught sight of me and grinned. “Kaiya! Will you watch the show?”

“Of course! I’ll go up and watch from backstage,” I returned his infectious smile and closed my notebook.

The others approached, sparing me nods and smiles as they fiddled with their outfits, or adjusted their in-ears.

Ace waved at me as they were all ushered past towards the stairs. I watched with a carefully neutral expression as Jihoon passed, and it was only because I was watching that I saw the discreet way his eyes snagged on the notebook in my lap. The leather one he’d given me for Christmas. And it was only because I was paying such close attention that I saw the way his eyes softened before he looked away.

I followed up the stairs shortly after the members and their small army of staff that followed them, not wanting to get in the way, but also not wanting to miss the moment they finally went out. Tucking myself against the wall at the side of the stage, half-hidden by curtains, I watched the pre-stage rituals the members went through that I knew off, but had never seen up close. I saw the way Jin nervously fiddled with a thin elastic band on his wrist. I noticed how Ace lightly bounced from one foot to the other, shaking out his hands. Minjae was talking to Lee, placing a reassuring hand on the back of his neck, looking down at him with the kind of expression that usually preceded a sentiment like, ‘you got this’. But most of all I observed how everyone else let them be. People flitted around, people watched them, but no one bothered them. It was like they were stones at the bottom of a stream. The current rushed past them but left them undisturbed.

In the middle of it all, I saw him, and I didn’t try to pretend I wasn’t watching. He didn’t see me where I was partially hidden. He stood in the middle of them, with them, but apart. I thought back to where he’d hidden himself away at the back of a bus, his pain out of sight, and I wondered how many time he’d done that. My nails bit into my palms, and I forced myself to unclench them, shoving my hands into my pockets instead.

Finally, there was some unseen signal – or, unseen to me, at least – and everyone in the immediate vicinity seemed to spring to life. The members were handed their colour-coordinated microphones from padded boxes, they inserted their in-ears and huddled in a circle. I couldn’t see what they did, or said, and it lasted only a few moments before they broke apart.

The music from beyond the wall of screens seemed to pause, teetering on a cliff with an ongoing refrain from a song I only now recognised as one of the tracks from Reset. This seemed to be the cue, as in the next moment, the members filed towards the edge of the stage, always touching one another, hands on each others’ shoulders, patting arms, jumping up and down as if they couldn’t keep still. I wondered if you could ever get used to the kind of anxiety that came from a moment like this, but looking at them now, I began to suspect it was impossible. I wasn’t performing, this was not my wheelhouse, and yet even I had tremors of nerves barraging through me from just being in the proximity of the performance.

The music cut off in a dramatic inhalation, the sudden silence of the stadium almost as aurally overwhelming as the constant beat had been. There was a pause, a breath, and then – screams. Screams and screams that went on for so long that I considered timing it just to see how long it went on for. I laughed, holding a hand over my mouth as a strange urge to cry hit me in the chest. Quickly, I turned away from the assembled crew – not that anyone was paying me any attention – and took a deep shuddering breath. I gave myself to the count of ten before I turned back. I looked around to see if anyone else was similarly affected, but no. People were busy doing their jobs. Apparently, I was the only one feeling this overwhelmed, and even I didn’t quite know why.

I moved along the side closer to the security barrier where I could see the stage. It wasn’t a good view, but in a way this was better. It allowed me to spool myself back in, to regain a feeling of detachment. I steadied myself and watched.

GVibes owned the stage like they’d never left. Like they were born for this. As if all the years of training, and hardship, and the almost-never-made-its melted away into something that just was. Everything that had had to happen to get to this point. The auditions, the eighteen-hour days, torn ligaments, broken toes, strained vocal cords, missed family events, public mistreatment… all of it had led to this moment where the five members stood on a stage in front of fifty-thousand people all screaming their names. It wasn’t my dream, but I felt the weight of it. My hand fluttered at my throat as I felt that tightness again, and I swallowed thickly.

The first time they came backstage for a costume change, I was wholly unprepared to suddenly have the five of them tearing off their jackets and shirts, and it was only after a moment that it occurred to me to spin around, trying to ignore the laughter behind me.

The second time they did it, Jihoon held my eyes as he yanked off his mesh top and tossed it to a waiting stylist.

The third time was for a VCR break. K-Pop concerts did not usually have long intermissions, they had a couple of shorter breaks for total outfit changes, or set moves, and the audience was kept entertained with pre-recorded videos on the big screens, or random-play dance challenges with members of the audience – which was what was happening now.

GVibes ran backstage and down the stairs, and I followed at a respectful pace. One of the managers was helping Lee down the corridor, his arms wound tightly around his waist as the group moved towards the Green Room. My lips thinned as I watched the way they moved, and my hands twitched at my sides. Minjae stayed close to Lee, while the others tore at pieces of clothing, even now in a hurry to get undressed so they could rest for just a few moments. I couldn’t follow them past the rope partition – it was not my place – but through the open doorway I saw Jae and the manager easing an exhausted Lee down onto a padded mat on the floor. Ace slumped down next to him, breathing heavily while someone handed him a metal canister with a mouth guard, as if they’d known he would need it. Supplemental oxygen – common enough for strenuous performances, but it made something in me twist unpleasantly. Everyone was busy, but no one looked alarmed.

I left, giving them their privacy for the few minutes that they had.

They performed twenty-two songs over two-and-a-half hours. Most of the songs were from Reset, while the remaining songs spanned their other albums, including two that had been chosen by the fans before the concert in an online vote. At the end of the show, fireworks burst into the sky over the stadium, lighting up the venue in a showering spectrum of colours, followed by a laser show that formed the Auriga constellation for several minutes while they performed the final track from the album – Capella – so named for the brightest star in the constellation. The reaction from the crowd was deafening and went on for minutes, only quieting when the members addressed the crowd.

“When we went into the military, we asked you to wait for us,” Minjae said, panting, shoulders heaving, though from exertion, or emotion, I couldn’t tell, “and you did. Vibers have done more for us than we could ever deserve. That’s why we wanted this tour to show you who we are now, as artists, as GVibes, as people. I know we’ve all changed in the years since our debut, and if you’ve been with us since day one, or since this morning, we love you. We will always stand with you. Thank you, Vibers!”

Woojin bowed to the crowd before straightening, wiping his hair out of his eyes, face shining with sweat.

“Vibers, you are our greatest honour. This album was for you. Thank you for sharing it with us.”

Next, Jihoon. “I remember the last concert we had before we went into the military, where we asked you to wait. I was not sure if we could still do this when we came out. I wondered a lot about what coming back would look like. Whether we would still know how to be GVibes after so much time apart. And I thought, maybe the world would have moved on without us. I think I worried about that for a long time.”

He looked down, and I watched as he moved the microphone away from his mouth, his shoulders heaving slightly in a move that should have been impossible for anyone in the crowd to see – were it not for the stories-tall screens he was projected on, visible to every single person in the stadium. Woojin moved closer to him, putting a hand on his back as Jihoon dragged a hand through his hair before raising the mic back up. He opened his mouth, and then closed it, shaking his head, dropping the mic back down to his side and turning away. Jin and Lee, standing on either side of him, closed the gap left by Jihoon, and on the screens, it looked seamless. From the side of the stage where only crew, security, and I stood, I saw the way his shoulders slumped, saw the way he lifted a hand to his face. My own hand raised to my throat, fiddling with the little golden pendant. I didn’t hear what Lee and Ace said to the crowd. I couldn’t take my eyes off Jihoon.

Chapter 10

There had been no after-party for Day One, that was being reserved for later tonight, after the second Seoul concert. Last night had been a blur. The wrap up turned out to be more hectic than the set up, and I’d quickly learned that I needed to get the hell out of the way. It meant that I’d missed the group leaving the venue, as they were whisked off in two separate vans to the ENT dorms, where they would be staying, instead of at their individual homes.

Not that I knew anything about their current housing arrangements, but apparently it was normal for groups to bunk together when they had concerts, or tours, even when it was in the city they lived in. It made it easier to coordinate if the logistics team weren’t having to drive half-way around Seoul to pick up individual members.