Page 20

His brow furrowed, and he shook his head, just the barest movement.

“Well, did you know that you guys have three sets of staging? Isn’t that wild? Because you’re going all over the world, and it takes so long to set up your staging, you have extras to ‘leap-frog’ locations. You’ll be performing on one set, while the previous one is still being taken down – which is called a ‘load out’, by the way – and the third set is already in the next country, being set up. You already have a crew in Tokyo, right now, setting up your next stage! Isn’t that cool?” I failed at sounding ambivalent, because while I’d known some of that, the process of leap-frogging had been brand new to me today, and it was bloody impressive.

I started slightly as Jihoon huffed, his mouth curving in the very barest hints of a smile.

“Still such a nerd,” he said in a quiet voice, as if he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to joke, but the relief that swept through me made my breath hitch.

“Yeah,” I agreed wryly. “Some things never change.”

I watched his face as he watched me, and it felt like we were both trying to read something in the other.

“You gonna be okay?” I asked, eventually, and after a moment, he nodded, sitting up and moving his legs off the bench.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I knew what he would say, but I wanted to ask. To make sure he knew that he could, if he wanted to, but he shook his head, not looking at me. We all had days where we didn’t feel good enough, but I’d always marvelled at how Jihoon, and the other members, could wake up each day and put themselves out there for the world to judge. I think I just saw what happened when the quiet thoughts got too loud.

“Has that happened before?” I got up off the floor and moved to sit beside him, my leg brushed against his, but he didn’t move.

He shrugged, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. I bit my lip, because I’d suspected as much back then, although I had never known for sure. I guess I did now.

We sat in the quiet of the bus as it got progressively darker, and the air seemed to fill with all the things I wanted to say, but couldn’t find the words for.

“We need to talk,” he said quietly, his leg pressing more firmly against mine as he shifted.

I nodded. “I know. Not now.”

“Not now,” he agreed. “I need to go. Minjae-hyung is probably very angry.”

I huffed a quiet laugh, and suddenly the air was lighter, less weighed down with unspoken things. I wondered how long he’d been hiding out here.

As if on cue, we both got to our feet, bumping into each other in the small space. We laughed awkwardly, and he held out a hand to indicate I go first. As I walked forward, I saw my bag, remembering why I’d returned to the bus.

“Ah!” I reached for it, dragging it across the seat to pull out my digital recorder, slipping it into my pocket. Behind me, I heard Jihoon make a sound, and I looked at him over my shoulder. He had an expression on his face that I couldn’t quite make out in the fading light.

“Your bag,” he nodded towards it. “It’s the same. After so long.”

I looked down as if only just now noticing my little dino rucksack.

“I guess it is,” I said evenly, setting it back down on the seat.

I moved towards the front of the bus, but a tug on the back of my hoodie stopped me. Before I could turn around, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his face into the crook of my neck, inhaling deeply. I froze, stuck somewhere between the urge to pull away, because I should, and leaning back, because I wanted to. My head fell forward and my eyes stung, but I didn’t move. Eventually he let his arms drop. We walked off the bus as if we’d just so happened to be on the same one.

I had assumed he’d walk on ahead of me, so he wouldn’t be seen with me. I expected it. It made sense. But he didn’t. He walked by my side all the way to the Green Room, matching my pace as if it was the normal thing to do. No big deal. And as I made my way back to my perch on the storage containers, it didn’t fail to occur to me that we had never walked like that before. Where neither of us wore a face mask, or sunglasses and a hat. Just two people walking side by side in a venue full of people, where anyone could see. Where people had, in fact, acknowledged us as we’d walked together.

Chapter 9

The media team had been given a choice of where to watch the concert. Most had opted for the crowd, either in the grandstands or around the barricade, while the documentary filmmakers would be moving along the runway between the stage and barriers.

I’d already decided on the angle for my first article, and that meant seeing the concert from the other side. I stayed backstage, moving between the wings and surrounding areas, watching the process and the people behind it.

I wanted to see what it took to make something like this happen. One of the most interesting things to me was that this process to replicate the same concert would differ from country to country. While talking to the the tech crews today, I had learned that ENT had hired tour companies in many of the different countries to move the show around the world. Most of the people I saw running around right now would not be coming with us when we left Korea. Some specialists would follow the tour – like Jackson – but most of the crews in charge of constructing, and then doing the load-out of each stage would be local to each area. This kind of insight was exactly why I had chosen to be backstage. Sure, I would watch the concert, but I was equally interested in seeing the people who’d made it happen. It took months of preparation, weeks of scheduling, days of construction, and it would be over in hours.

Before the concert, I tucked myself away in the staging area between the entry corridor and the stairs leading up to the stage. At the top of those stairs it opened up into an area that was separated from the main stage by the stories-tall screens and curtains. The members and dancers would file onto the stage from around the sides, and most of the quick costume changes would happen in the area behind the screens.

Once the concert began, I would go up the stairs and position myself between the curtained-off area, watching from the sides.

Down here, sitting cross-legged on another stack of storage containers, I watched as people flowed and eddied around each other like fish in a stream, everyone with a purpose. It was fascinating watching the way everyone was so adjacent to each other, yet all part of the whole. I took notes periodically, leaning into my narrative of how the parts made up the whole. I was so engrossed that I almost didn’t notice when GVibes filed into the corridor from the Green Room. No one made a fuss. There were no startled gasps, or giddy people scrabbling for phones. If anything, there was an air of impatience from the crowd surrounding them. They were still some way down the corridor, and I took the opportunity to outright stare at them, because…. Holy hell.

The theme for the tour was the constellation Auriga, although I was still somewhat unclear on what this actually meant to them. I planned on asking them during our scheduled interview.