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I want for you to let people in. For our time together not to turn you into the man I came back to. When the one who will love you next appears in your life, I want you not to be cynical. I want you to be hopeful.

A strangled sob escapes me.

We were friends. Lovers. And so much more. It’s time for that to stop now. It’s time to let go of everything that I held on to. Blindly, I scrawl one more word across the bottom of the page.

Skittles!

I don’t know how long I sit there after that, giving in to the heaviness of my heart. Long enough that Kodiak gets up from the couch and comes over. He crouches down and wraps his arms around my waist. His face to my chest, I curl mine around his head.

Eventually my phone rings.

I release Kodiak to answer. My voice comes out strained, barely more than a whisper. “Hey.”

“We’re in the lobby. Should we come up?” Willa asks me as Kodiak gets to his feet and walks away from me.

“No. I’ll be down in a minute.” I hang up and rise slowly to my feet.

Kodiak picks up my bags and carries them to the elevator. Neither of us speaks.

Willa is waiting when the doors open. Micah is with her.

Her eyes are full of sympathy as we exit the hotel. Micah opens the tailgate of a black Range Rover and Kodiak puts my bags in the back.

Willa hooks her arm through mine as she leads me to an open back door. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? I get that things aren’t good with Riot—”

I can feel Kodiak’s gaze burning into my face.

“It’s over. This is what I want to do.” I get into the car.

33

Riot

The last thing I want to do is walk out on stage and perform for a crowd when my chest is caved in. She couldn’t just fucking trust me this one time. She had to go and poke and prod at me. She had to beg me to spill my guts for her.

If there’s anyone I could ever spill my guts to... it’s her. But telling her that Sonatina is working with Marco is out of the question. And my only other option... telling her what happened to me... it would only make me look weak.

If she believed me... then I’m too weak to defend myself. Or stand up for myself. If she doesn’t... then I’m too weak to own my part in what happened that weekend.

Either way, it doesn’t matter. She won’t want me when she finds out what kind of man I am. And none of it changes the fact that Sonatina says she’s pregnant with my baby. Though that’s really fucking impossible.

I had no choice but to let her go. At least I know she’ll be safe.

I pluck my case from my pocket. Shake all the joints out onto the couch when I try to open it. “Fuck.”

Leaving them where they fell, I place one between my lips. It bobs up and down while I pat my pockets for my Zippo. It takes me three rolls to get a flame. I tip the end of the joint into it and wait for the paper to catch.

I suck back hard.

I choke like a teen trying a joint for the first time. The smoke seeps into my lungs. That subtle buzz I’m looking for doesn’t hit. This whole situation is fucked up.

My dressing room door opens. Rook comes in. “Can I have a word?”

I nod. Take another long inhale.

He sits next to me. Eyes my Zippo. “Interesting picture. Can I?”

I hand it to him.